Band Momming Continues

Saturdays are FULL during band marching season.
After 4 or 5 of these competitions, I’ve got my Go bag ready: Gatorade, Farkle dice for down time, money for all the accessory vendors my son spots — Cane’s chicken, Mazzio’s pizza, all the big names come play but funnel cake was all mine; I’ve never whipped out seven bucks for fried dough so quickly in my life — fresh socks, a teen boy’s shoes (separate Ziploc, green closure for ensured safety.
My point: I’m ready for anything.
Then there’s the marimba pushing.
I know I’ve told you one or two little vignettes about marimba moving. ‘Tisn’t easy, rest assured. My quads light up with effort.
So I was certain I was prepared for the last round of percussion pushin’. Especially since the terrain was NOT mountainous like in previous weeks. In fact, it was downright dull…straight-line drives, ample space, paved walkways, easy peasy, and along the trek I tried to chat with my marimba-ist — a waif, pale, slight (my left thigh weighs more than she does), golden hair, big blue eyes, and mute as a stone — to no avail. Buttoned up like an 1800’s corset, I tell you. All my wiles and attempts at chatter fell on deaf ears. (Maybe she’s deaf?)
And after a non-adventurous trip to the field, we had to wait, all 22 of us percussionist parents, for…something. I was unclear. The sidelines were clear, I saw no impediment, I knew not why we waited.
Thus did I make one last attempt at convo. “You nervous?”
A shake of the head, which encouraged me. “You’re gonna do great!” I announced grandly, for which I got a most basic nod and near-eye-roll.
“You got this,” I muttered less enthusiastically as finally we were waved forward for set-up on the turf.
Set up, got a final nod from the unwilling recipient of my help, and I trotted to the sidelines.
Magic happened, as the band played their halftime show for the seemingly-one-zillionth time — each of which I watch with so much anxiety that I lose three pounds; I’m like a Tan and Tone machine in a fleshy wrap — and I marched right back out to the side of my best little frenemy to aid her against her will.
“You were so great! What a show! It felt so new”
Sure, I was reaching, desperate to get to this tiny mite’s inner core and make her like me.
I hear the percussion leader say, “Ready for power, ready for power,” and kids are streaming around grabbing extension cords, power outlets, microphones, no big deal. Power needs picking up, gotcha. Take with ye what ye brung, got it.
And before I took a breath to look to my left, my tiny acrobatic marimba-ist had gotten behind her set of keys and RUN, like a mighty wind, AWAY from me. She was a foal, hair streaming, practically frothing at the lips to get away from me.
“Hey!” I yelled. “I’m helping you!!”
And I began pursuit.
It took a minute, I can tell you that, what with being weighted down with my Go bag and a strong desire to be helpful. I thought actually that she was going to run me over and if not for a fortuitous tripping on my clumsy part, I could have been down. Medics called. The whole nine yards, right there on the football field. (I made a sports reference, did you get that? It’s rare, that’s why I’m pointing it out, so you’ll appreciate its uniqueness.)
“Whew!” I said when I finally caught up and had a tenuous grip on one side of the instrument. Fortunately she’d slowed a bit, maybe her battery needed changing, but this ol’ girl finally caught up. “You’re all muscle,,” I wheezed toward her, glowing, trying to compliment, trying to reach her core.
Nothin’.
It was a long quiet walk back to the trailer where I bid her a hearty adieu and much success in the future. She ignored me completely.
Come to find out: “Power” means: run like you’re on fire. Points off if you don’t leave the field in x number of nanoseconds.
Also of Note: talking on the field — anywhere on the green turf stuff — even if it’s by a big ol’ nerdy mom who just really really reeeeeeaallly wants to help — points off.
Welp. Now I know.
And perhaps I’ll help another child with an equally large bit of equipment, probably not my son, because he shoos me away…
No funnel cake for him, I tell ya.

Turns Out I’m Not a Carpenter…Very Disappointing

I wanted to install new flooring in Bubs’ room. He’s newly adolescent, and it happened over night. No exaggeration: he woke a different person than when he went to sleep.
Reeling from shock, I realized his adorable Boy Room was no longer appropriate, plus, truth be told, the elderly incontinent, blind, deaf, adorable pooch who can’t see well enough to Go Toward the Light may have destroyed the already-aged carpet in the Bubs’ Boy Room.
It was time, in many ways, for a makeover.
I bought flooring, the click kind, as advertised in the three-minute video that assured me I could install the flooring all by myself. The video  promised. 
And I am gullible.
Long story short, and utilizing the skills of my dad and a full day of his time, I learned how to use a saws-all — I’m not certain that’s the correct trademarked name — and I also learned that once baseboards are removed, they expand.
Did you know that? News to me. Naively, I thought wood parts would retain their size after removal, but they don’t.
And the flooring that was so easy — according to videotaped footage probably filmed in the confines of Light and Magic — was NOT so snap-simple, amateur-friendly, easily accomplished by a desperate-for-the-boy-to-have-a-Young-Man-room Mom.
Nope.
I mean, NOPE.
Let’s just say, no one wants to look super closely at the final slats, when Dad had returned home, inserted at one in the morning in an exceedingly hot, increasingly tiny dwelling of a mere eleven feet by the same.
Because, dang, it’s ugly.
Ugly, mostly because of my new friend Super Glue. It’s true.
And the baseboards? Well…they’re back in place, with the help of a two-pound sledge.
Nails were not necessary. Those boards, they aren’t moving.
Unless I renew my love with this new “saws-all” thing I’m fond of…
Meanwhile, the room is beginning to retain odor, and I can no longer blame the dog — no, he’s not Found the Light; the teen’s door stays shut 24/7, whether inhabited or not — and clutter is obscuring the newly installed flooring as well as the giveaway shine of glue.
I feel cheated.
1. The room is really no different.
B. I’m not a carpenter. I really wanted to be good at that stuff. Sigh.