New Sheets

I got new sheets! And a new blanket! And ooooo, I’m not the best sleeper but I was gonna sleep RIGHT on that night.
First came the prep. Changed the bed into its new sheets, fluffed the pillows within their new cases, and lay the new blanket ever so lovingly across the top of the whole shebang, then covered the newness with the old comforter just so the moose-dog wouldn’t ruin that New Sheet Smell.
Then, I showered. And, people, I shaved my legs. Yup, four months of hard work at growing all that hair and it was gone with only twelve hundred strokes of a Lady Gillette.
I shaved my KNEES, people, this New Sheet Things is momentous, I tell you.
After the shower, I put on my newest, softest, most sleepy-best pants and top and my squooshiest, comfy-est-est-ever socks, and slid under my new sheet.
Aaaaaah, the luxury…
Nope. I did NOT feel that luxury. By the time I hit the bed I was EXHAUSTED and fell asleep before I got any luxuriating in! No “oh, ah” moment, not even a true appreciation for the way new sheets feel on newly hair-stripped legs, none of that! I was OUT.
I WAS ROBBED!
PLUS my winter coat is gone! And the next day, when I went to feed the chickens, I tell you I could TELL my winter coat was gone. No sock in the world can make up for the missing half inch insulation I’d conserved since September.
It’s not fair, I tell you.
Stupid new sheets.